Finding a therapist can be a daunting process for anyone. But for neurodivergent individuals—those with Autism, ADHD, and other brain differences—the search carries an extra layer of complexity and urgency. A well-meaning but uninformed therapist can, at best, be unhelpful and, at worst, cause significant harm by invalidating your experience, reinforcing harmful stereotypes, or pushing you toward conformity and masking.
Finding a therapist who truly “gets” neurodiversity is not a luxury; it is a necessity for effective and ethical care. You need a professional who understands that your brain isn’t “disordered,” but different. You deserve a space where you are not seen as a collection of deficits to be fixed, but as a whole person to be understood and supported.
This guide is designed to empower you on your search. It will provide you with the tools to identify a genuinely neurodiversity-affirming therapist, from knowing where to look to what questions to ask, so you can find a therapeutic partnership that is truly life-changing.
Step 1: Know What You’re Looking For (Defining “Affirming”)
Before you can find the right therapist, you need a clear picture of what you’re searching for. A neurodiversity-affirming therapist is one who operates from a specific set of principles rooted in the social model of disability. This means they believe:
- Neurodiversity is a natural and valuable form of human variation. They don’t see Autism or ADHD as a disease to be cured.
- Your challenges are often the result of a mismatch between your needs and your environment, not an inherent flaw in you.
- You are the expert on your own life. Therapy is a collaboration, not a top-down hierarchy.
- The goal is to help you thrive as your authentic self, not to train you to appear more neurotypical. This means supporting regulation over compliance and authenticity over masking.
Keep this definition in mind as your North Star throughout your search.
Step 2: Where to Search (Looking in the Right Places)
A generic Google search for “therapist near me” is unlikely to yield the best results. You need to look in places where affirming therapists congregate.
- Specialized Directories: These are your best starting point. Many modern directories allow you to filter specifically for therapists who identify as neurodiversity-affirming.
- Neurodivergent Insights Directory: A curated list of therapists, coaches, and other professionals committed to affirming practices.
- TherapyDen: A progressive directory with filters for a wide range of specialties, including neurodiversity.
- Inclusive Therapists: Focuses on affirming care for marginalized identities, including neurodivergent and QTBIPOC individuals.
- Community Recommendations: The neurodivergent community is incredibly generous with information. Consider asking for recommendations in trusted online spaces, such as:
- Private Facebook groups for autistic adults or adults with ADHD.
- Subreddits like r/autism or r/ADHD.
- Local neurodivergent advocacy or support groups.
- Look for Lived Experience: A significant number of affirming therapists are neurodivergent themselves. This is often a huge green flag, as they will have an embodied understanding of your experience. They will almost always state this proudly in their professional bio on their website or directory profile.
Step 3: Vetting Their Digital Presence (Reading Between the Lines)
Once you have a list of potential therapists, it’s time to do some detective work on their websites and professional profiles. The language they use is incredibly revealing.
Green Flags (Signs of an Affirming Therapist):
- They use affirming language: Look for keywords like “neurodiversity-affirming,” “strengths-based,” “celebratory,” “anti-oppressive,” and “trauma-informed.”
- They mention specific neurodivergent concepts: Their website or blog might discuss topics like “autistic burnout,” “masking,” “Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD),” “executive functions,” or “monotropism.” This shows they are engaged with current, community-informed conversations.
- Their approach is collaborative: They talk about working with clients to achieve their goals, positioning themselves as a guide, not an expert with all the answers.
- They are intersectional: They acknowledge that identities like race, gender, and sexuality intersect with neurodivergence and are committed to culturally responsive care.
- They explicitly state their own lived experience if they are neurodivergent.
Red Flags (Reasons to Be Cautious):
- They use pathologizing language: Their website is filled with medical-model terms like “symptoms of autism,” “treating ADHD,” “disorder,” or “high/low functioning.”
- They focus heavily on “social skills training”: Especially if the goal seems to be teaching you to perform neurotypical behaviors (like forced eye contact) rather than building authentic connections.
- Their primary modality is compliance-based: If their main approach for autistic clients is listed as Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), be very cautious. While some modern forms of ABA are less harmful, its history is rooted in compliance, and it is not considered an affirming therapy by most of the autistic community.
- Their website is too generic: If they list “autism” or “ADHD” in a long list of 20 other specialties without any specific detail, they are likely a generalist, not a specialist.
Step 4: The Consultation Call (Your Interview with Them)
Most therapists offer a free 15-20 minute consultation call. This is not just a formality; it is your opportunity to interview them. You are the one hiring them for a professional service. Go into the call with a prepared list of questions.
Essential Questions to Ask:
- “I’m looking for a neurodiversity-affirming therapist. Can you tell me what that term means to you in your own words?” This is the most important question. A truly affirming therapist will be able to give you a clear, passionate, and knowledgeable answer that aligns with the principles we’ve discussed. A vague or hesitant answer is a major red flag.
- “What is your experience working with autistic adults / adults with ADHD?” Listen for specifics. Do they talk about common challenges like burnout and executive dysfunction, or do they give generic answers?
- “What are your thoughts on self-diagnosis?” The vast majority of the neurodivergent community sees self-diagnosis (or self-realization) as valid, especially given the significant barriers to formal diagnosis for adults, women, and people of color. An affirming therapist will respect and validate self-diagnosis.
- “How do you approach goal-setting in therapy?” You want to hear that the process is client-led and collaborative. Their job is to help you achieve your goals, not the goals they think you should have.
- “What kind of continuing education or training have you done related to neurodiversity?” This shows their commitment to staying current in a rapidly evolving field.
Step 5: Trust Your Gut
After the call, take a moment to check in with yourself. Logic and checklists are important, but your intuition is a powerful tool.
- How did you feel during the conversation? Did you feel seen, heard, and respected? Or did you feel like you had to perform, defend yourself, or educate them?
- Did they listen more than they talked?
- Did they seem genuinely curious about your experience, or did they seem like a detached expert?
The search for the right therapist can feel like a journey, and it may take a few tries to find the right fit. But do not settle. You are worthy of a therapeutic relationship built on a foundation of deep respect, genuine understanding, and the unwavering belief that you are not broken. Finding a therapist who truly gets it can be one of the most validating and life-changing experiences on your neurodivergent journey.
